Time for a challenge?

I'm currently feeling like I need a challenge and I've spent the best part of the last few days debating whether to start my own business. It would have to be something that I could do around my current job, and definitely would have to be something I enjoy. If it becomes vaguely successful, then maybe I'll do it full time.

My first idea was about becoming a VA (Virtual Assistant). Virtual Assistance is a bit like temping doing secretarial/admin-type work, but never going into my client's premises. My home would be my work place, the client would only pay me for the work that I did, and they would never meet me...hence the 'virtual' bit. But that idea bit the dust when I remembered that I am a secretary and an office manager, and quite frankly I hate my job.

I'm not saying it's beneath me, but sometimes I feel I can be and do so much more than be chained to a photocopier for hours on end, type until my hands want to drop off, be moaned at because the office is too cold or have people blame me for their mistakes and take credit for my work.

So anyway, my business idea is to...ok, I'm still researching lol

But watch this space!

Ash on the lines

Surprised to see that Southeastern Trains didn't start using an emergency timetable due to the copious amounts of Icelandic Volanic Ash in the atmosphere...

Oh and this is why I love the Scots

I'm baaaaaack

Apologies to all my followers...ok...my one and only follower.

I would like to say the only reason I haven't posted anything lately is that I've been so busy, that I haven't had time. Truth is, while a lot has been going on, I haven't really been busy...I've been tired.

In a nut shell, the Prozac has been having to work overtime lately. While I've been doing my positivity thing, my mind still wants to remind me every now and then that it's quite delicate and will occasionally bring me back to earth with a horrible thud. It's beyond my control and my medication is up for review with my GP...hmmm...why do I think they may up my dosage??

Oh and not helping was the possibility of me having a mass on my kidney (recently given the all-clear *phew*).

Any, rambling, but I'll promise to try to be more on form in future. And not quite so sleepy.

Pregnant ignorance

I'm in a bit of a narcissistic mood today.

Probably started on the train home, when a stupid whore of a woman kept kicking my feet under the table because she wanted to stretch out, before the train journey even began. She didn't much appreciate when I kicked her back.

When somebody she knew sat next to her (I assume it was her husband or boyfriend), my journey somehow got worse. Whenever she asked him something, he would respond while inexplicably holding his hand over his mouth. Seven times he had to repeat himself before somebody else on the train shouted "For fuck sake, she can't hear you when you hold your hand over your mouth!!!!" (My hero).

He later received a text message which she wanted to see but he refused to show her. So she whined and whined and whined... Maybe I'm being ageist but I would not be surprised to hear this from a teenager or a woman in her early twenties. But these two were in their late thirties.

But anyways, by the time I got home I was in a foul mood.

I started dinner and logged onto facebook. I see a status update from one of my pregnant friends, made an hour earlier. Not usually a problem, if it weren't for the fact I texted this girl two hours before said status update. Have I received a text back? No.

I then suddenly remembered that I'm not pregnant nor have I ever been pregnant. I noticed, a while ago, one of my other friends (who has a toddler) on Facebook only ever comments on profiles belonging to those that are pregnant or have young children.

Is there some rule that means that being childless means you have to be ignored? That you're not worthy of a reply?

I know pregnancy is a big deal, life altering blah blah blah. But how hard is it to type a text? I take it I wouldn't be ignored if I was to send her a gift for the new addition?

Amusingness

Walking around Tesco the other night, I found myself sharing TrumpetBum's amusingness at the words "Nut Cutlets".

I also seem to be highly amused by the words "Strudel" and "Rump".

Food theme maybe? (Hopefully?)

Mortifying flattery

Today I walked past an off licence where there was some fat ugly old drunk sitting outside. As I went past him, he whistled and winked at me.

I didn't know know whether to be flattered or mortified. So I ended up being both.

Deliberate insult?

Yesterday I was thinking about some things that people have said to me and questioned whether they were deliberately insulting me or not

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I was discussing chest infections, colds etc with TrumpetBum's Grandmother a couple of months ago and she asked me "Do you get chest colds often? You wear a lot of low cut tops, don't you?"

I'd like to think this one was innocent.

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A couple of years ago I attended a wedding of a friend (L) and a few weeks another friend of mine (S) and I were shopping when we bumped into another mutual friend (G). G had not been able to attend the wedding but had seen the photos on the photographer's website. "I loved the photos", she then turned to my friend S and said "You looked fantastic".

That one still stings.

Mini rant

Ok, the whole 'being positive' thing has been going quite well I think I'm entitled to the odd rant every now and then. There are only so many times I can grit my teeth before I have to unload.

I have to take issue with people that get stressy with others because they are busy, but then think nothing of taking personal phone calls from friends and family to chat about random bollocks, despite being sooooooo friggin' busy.

I wouldn't mind so much, but this happens every single day.

It annoys me. Oh yes.

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You know, if I didn't have this new outlook on life, that 'rant' would have been 20 times as long, full of many swears and threats to kill everybody.

Pussy

Wasn't expecting to see this in my local newsagent, but whatever...

The ToyBoy

I thought it about time I spoke about my financé...

As I want to remain anonymous on this blog, I thought it only right to give him a nickname on here and that I should consult him on what he should be called. He didn't like my suggestions that and said to refer to him as 'ImIndoors'.

Then, today, he referred to my blog as inane and then insane. So from now on he shall be known as 'ToyBoy' or 'TrumpetBum'.

Sexy Beast, lovely and kind (except when making mean comments like the ones above), all-round joker, big tease, poet-and-he-knows-it, xbox addict (do not even mention FIFA, Mass Effect or Dragon Age to me), cat-lovin', spider-hatin', gassy beast.

In his own words...he's "awesome".

Oh and he thinks Carlos Tevez is a c**t

My toyboy. Love you long time xoxo

Bad dreams

I'm slightly concerned by the level of violence in my dreams last night.

I have a book "10,000 Dreams Explained" by Pamela J. Ball, I bought it a couple of years ago but never looked at it. I thought I may use this opportunity to look up some potential meanings. Each symbol/sight/action etc in this book has different interpretations listed:-

• Spiritual
• Psychological, Emotional perspective
• Everyday material aspects
• Gender-specific meanings
  

Dream 1 - Family feud?
All I remember about this one is that I'm at some sort of family gathering, and I'm standing there listening to someone make a speech when all of the sudden my uncle, who is standing beside me, suddenly punches me in the face. I fall to the ground and then he continues to punch me. I'm about 5'5", my uncle is 6'3" and built like a brick shit house. I don't know why he is punching me and more bizarrely, I don't know how I'm still conscious after the repeated blows to my head. Family members stand there watching, very confused but do nothing to help stop it.

Possible meanings:
"Members of extended family usually appear in dreams either as themselves, highlighting our relationship with them, or typifying various aspects of our own personality that are recognizable"
Dumpkin Note: I very rarely see my uncle due to distance and there is no animosity between us. And as far as I'm aware I'm not a very violent person. Confooooooooooooooosed.

Attack:
"Being attacked in in a dream indicates a fear of being under threat from external events or internal emotions" (Material)
"In a woman's dream, being attacked will often be to do with her feelings of vulnerability" (Gender-specific)

Dream 2 - Stabby stabby
This one was brief, just before my alarm clock went off this morning. All i can see is an extreme closeup of my eyes, and the tip of a 6-inch knife being pressed into the skin just below my right bottom eyelid. After a minute or so, whoever is holding the knife tilts is slightly upwards and stabs me in the eye.

Reading this back actually makes me feel a little paranoid.

Possible meanings:
Stab "To be stabbed in a dream indicates our ability to be hurt" (Material)
Knife "A knife is a symbol of division. There may be something in life that needs to be cut out and got rid of" (Spiritual)
Eye "Loss of eyesight signifies loss of clarity" Apparently losing sight in the right eye signifies loss of logic.

Awwwwwww shit.

Ok, so this experience of dream interpretation hasn't exactly gone well. However, it has caught my interest. I may have to try this more often...

The happy playlist

The latest theory of mine is that I need to create 'Happy Playlist' on my iPod...songs that, for whatever reason, make me feel happy and put a smile on my face.

This is my list so far.

Barry White – You’re my first, my last, my everything

Beyonce – Single Ladies (Put a ring on it)

Black Eyed Peas – I gotta feeling

Cockney Rebel & Steve Harley – Make me smile (Come up and see me)

The Coral – Dreaming of you

Dexy’s Midnight Runners – Come on Eileen

The Fratellis – Chelsea Dagger

Ida Maria – I like you so much better when you’re naked

Lady Gaga – Just Dance

Maroon 5 – Sunday Morning

Noisettes – Don’t upset the rhythm

Orson – No tomorrow

Outkast – Hey Ya

Pato Banton – Baby Come Back

Queen – Don’t stop me now

Young MC – Bust a Move

I wouldn't even go as far as to say these are my favourite songs and with the exception of 'Come on Eileen' there are no little anecdotes attached.

Don't judge me too much :-)

I would be really interested to know what other people would have on their 'Happy Playlist'.

Sunday night blues

So I've had a nice weekend...lazy, filled with alcohol and chocolate (I know, I know...absolutely great for my diet, but gimme a break!), and I feel quite relaxed. Now I need to try and stop the Sunday night "back to work tomorrow" blues from creeping up on me.

Ho hum.

Currently, I'm looking at my Facebook and have noticed a status update from a girl I used to go to school with. She's unbelievably negative. I know what you're thinking "Pot Kettle Black", but seriously I have nothing on this girl. She's also quite hypocritical. She was made redundant from her job early last year, and has spent so much time moaning on Facebook, it makes me wonder whether she has actually bothered applying for any jobs. But anyways, she has repeatedly slagged off people that complain about having a bad day at work "AT LEAST YOU HAVE A FUCKING JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!". Well, excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me...it must be lonely up there on your pedestal.

This is the same girl who would then boast about spending her days shopping and going to the cinema, while the rest of us were slaving away. Nice to see she's put her hard-earned Job Seeker's Allowance to good use. She got some temporary work in November, and sure enough it wasn't long before..."I can't believe I have to work until 7 tonight!!!"

-Epic face palm-



So anyways...Sunday night blues. I'm planning to counteract them with copious amounts of Corona and a bacon sarnie. Oh and CSI:NewYork on Five USA.

Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet.

The octopus dream

Thanks to recent press attention, I've just discovered the Sleep Talkin' Man blog and it's absolutely hilarious!

It got me thinkin' about my sleeping habits. I snore occasionally, and I grind my teeth when I'm stressed out. I think I've only ever sleep talked once or twice, but it's never anything coherent. My dreams however do get very very strange. This one happened quite a while ago, but it is quite bizarre and to this day whenever I think about it, I get kinda creeped out...

I'm seated on the second-to-last row on the bottom deck of a rickety old double-decker bus. On the back row there is a blond haired woman, in her forties, coughing. After a while the coughing gets worse and becomes more of a gagging sound. Then she makes retching noises and hocks up an octopus. The octopus is all slimy and looks 'cartoon-like' - it's under a foot tall but its head is massive, tentacles ridiculously tiny and it has these 'puppy-dog' eyes. It almost looks cute. The octopus then coughs once and dies. The woman starts screaming that her baby has died. That's when I wake up.

The finances...

The 'taking control of my finances' took a bit of a knock today. One of the stages of this was supposedly to do a balance transfer on my credit card. My application was refused.

Telling it how it is, my total debt amounts to £7,647.21. At least £3,000.00 of this will be paid off by Nov 2010. So now I need to figure out how I can speed the whole debt clearing process up.

Oh well, onward and upward.

How much do kidney's go for on Ebay?

New Year Resolutions? Hell no.

I don’t believe in the typical New Year’s Resolutions but I do however believe in fresh starts. Second chances. Life changes.

I, amongst others, believe that 2009 was a supremely shitty year. Not many people I know had a good time of it. More people died that truly didn’t deserve to, society in general went further to hell, and if you didn’t lose your job you were almost certainly to have the threat of redundancy constantly hanging over you.

As mentioned earlier, I started going through a rough patch (not for the first time but has been definitely worse than it has before) and while I don’t blame the events of the year for getting like that (I happen to think that if depression is already present within close family, you will have a natural predisposition to succumb to it at some point), I do think I wasn’t able to deal with the events in question.

So after a few weeks of being medicated, I started to regain the ability to actually deal with the basic tasks in life. Things started looking up; I had money in my savings account for the first time in ten years and I could finally see the light at the end of my debt tunnel. The ‘stuck in a rut’ feeling about my job was still present, but wasn’t getting to me as much.

Then Christmas Eve came along…and so did the worst case of flu I think I have ever had. I tried to stay positive throughout and I’m glad I did, I can only guess how much harder it would have been if I had allowed myself to get down, seeing as how I couldn’t enjoy Christmas properly, I wasn’t going to see any of my family or friends, and for the second year in a row I would be too ill to go out on NYE. It was then I decided to make some permanent changes in my life.

The first change I would make would be to be more positive in general. It’s hard to know whether I was so negative about everything because I was depressed, or whether I was depressed because I was so negative about everything. I guess the two go hand in hand for me.

The second change was to be more financially savvy, to actually take control and not be so out-of-control when it comes to my spending. Sounds so simple. We’ll see.

The third change is to loose weight, something I started last year; had some reasonable success in losing two stone. Then my troubles began and I subsequently put a stone of it back on. Anyways, I’m not ‘dieting’. I’m ‘being healthy’…watching my calorie and fat intake, and restricting my alcohol and caffeine consumption. 4lbs off so far.

The forth change is to bring some new things into my life, make it more fulfilling.

The fifth change is to really think about what I like doing, and to embrace those things. I think between my laziness and the depression, I have missed out on so much over the years. I should make a list…

These are not resolutions you understand, because I am determined. Calling my life changes ‘New Years Resolutions’ would just be license for me to have given in already…I have and I won’t.

I may have to have the odd bitch on here every now and then, but then you had to have expected that.

Bitch-ism

It's amazing the things you think about when you're bored.

I'm currently snowed in for the third day in a row and missing my friend's birthday thing. As this is the second time in three weeks I've had to blow off my friends, paranoia set in and I wondered what, if anything, they'd be saying about me.

Then I started thinking about my one of my former co-workers. This girl, who'll I'll refer to as 'J', had some problems. Chronic OCD and major bitch-ism.

I started going through a bit of a rough patch personally and professionally, and on a particularly bad day I made the decision to go to the doctors. Beforehand, I told the members of my team (which included J) that should my doctor offer to sign me off sick that I would accept the offer.

Later I found out she had remarked that me taking some time off would be good. Not for me but for her. Me being off sick would give her the chance to learn new skills by covering my job.

I was touched by her compassion.